Looking Back at the Hulk

Welcome to Part 2 of my analysis of the MCU from a Christian perspective. Today, we’re looking at the second superhero introduced in the series: the Hulk.

The Incredible Hulk is probably one of the weakest movies in the MCU, but I still like it. You just have to stop thinking about it as a superhero movie. It’s a monster movie, like Godzilla… or like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde if Jekyll went on the run from the military and then fought the Wolfman in the end. 

In the quest to find Christian-compatible morals in the things I like… the story of Bruce Banner is a story about self-control. The Bible tells us to be careful not to use our anger as an excuse to sin. Banner works very hard to ensure that he only releases his violent urges against people and things that he thinks deserve his anger, such as the Abomination or a giant flying centipede from space. 

Even beyond that, Banner tries to filter the consequences of his out-of-control anger. He doesn’t want his blood out in the world, and he’s willing to lose control in order to stop a monster created by his blood. A lesser man would deny responsibility for these indirect effects of his past sins, but Banner acts a bit like Tony Stark in that area.

In Age of Ultron, we see Banner lose control – more specifically we see him give in to the manipulation of the Scarlet Witch. Someone succeeds in taking control of the Hulk away from Banner, which has been his greatest fear ever since he started running away from the military. 

But in the same movie, we see the Hulk surrendering some control to Black Widow. Banner apparently trusts Natasha enough to give her the Hulk’s leash. Unfortunately, we don’t get to see the full extent of that connection because it never comes up again after that movie, like so many other Hulk-related dropped threads. 

The takeaway from all this is that self-control isn’t just resisting temptation. It means taking responsibility for your actions – because you will mess up – and their effects on other people. It also means being careful with who is affecting you in positive and negative ways. 

Self-control is one of the Fruits of the Spirit listed in Galatians; if we stay connected to the True Vine, we’ll develop control over the monsters inside us. 

What are your thoughts on this topic? Let’s Connect!

Looking Back at Iron Man

Christian nerds, I present for your consideration: Holden Hardman. If you haven’t heard of this guy, go look him up on YouTube. He spent his quarantine showing his friends the MCU and getting their opinions. If that’s not nerd cred, I don’t know what is. 

Holden recently began a series called God in the MCU in which he analyzes Christian (or Christian-adjacent) imagery in Marvel movies. He does it with Scripture, good ol’ common sense, and a good-natured attitude. It’s pretty good. 

Watching this series made me realize I never got around to completing my own contemplation of Christian-compatible themes in the MCU. I’ve been inspired, so let’s jump into this, starting with Iron Man. 

The story of Tony Stark is a story of redemption and forgiveness. In the beginning of his story, he’s about as worldly as it gets, complete with the selfish ego that often comes from a life with very few consequences. When the consequences do come, he almost dies. 

After Tony survives, he spends his entire life – right until the end – trying to make the most of the second chance he’s received. No, he doesn’t give his life to Jesus, but in many ways, he’s a great model of the redemption process. 

And it is a process. Christians often emphasize the fact that we don’t need to do anything to earn God’s forgiveness. We just need to ask for it and accept it. God’s forgiveness is the easy part. Dealing with people is usually harder. Even after we’ve received God’s grace, we probably still need to do something about our past mistakes as far as people are concerned. 

Most of the bad things that happen to Tony Stark/Iron Man is because of something he did – someone he hurt – back when he was a more terrible person. Some of the people he hurt – Whiplash, Justin Hammer, the Mandarin – have no interest in reconciliation, so he has to rocket-punch them in the face. But he needs to swallow his pride over and over again to navigate his relationships with Rhodey, Pepper, Peter Parker, and Steve Rogers. 

He keeps making mistakes, but he keeps trying to be better than he was before. That’s what we can learn from him. 

What are your thoughts on this topic? Let’s Connect! 

@noahspud on Twitter

And in the comments below. 

What to do When Who Owns What [Disney vs. Sony/Spider-Man]

So, two weeks turned to three weeks when I took my computer to the shop, repairs took longer than anticipated, and other unrelated events transpired. But, until my computer comes is fixed, my girlfriend was kind enough to loan me hers.

And…I leave for five minutes and Disney and Sony start fighting over Spider-Man.

I’m not going to give an, “I figured something like this would happen,” because even I’m not that pessimistic. Honestly, it is mildly unsettling that something like money would come in the way of continuing one of the biggest cinematic achievements of the decade.

But, at the same time, it is just a bit cathartic to watch Sony revoke the rights to one of their still-legally-owned IP’s from Disney, who now owns two of the biggest film franchises and at least seven of the top ten highest-grossing movies of all time.

And you know…I’m starting to like my spoken word posts.

 

Because it’s about what to do when who owns what
And when who owns what you want.

When I was nine, and it was Tobey MaGuire,
Swinging through buildings and braving fire
I wanted to make something like that:
Make a hero that lasts.
But now, past Garfield, here on Holland,
It seems that such a vision has fallen.
They want us paying twenty-five
[currency unspecified]
To see a legend we recognize
Leap forth and dazzle our star-struck eyes.
And if we’re disappointed and dismayed,
It doesn’t matter, they got paid.
Half the profits won’t suffice,
(Though it could pay our loans twice)
And it’s all custody and copyrights
Without concern to who’s really right,
When it’s about what to do when who owns what
And when who owns what they want.

Disney’s here with all the toys,
Big, strong girls and super-boys.
Sony’s always felt self-made,
(As much as you can in this day and age.)
And though Sony has legal ownership,
They agreed, for a fee, to share the kid.
But Sony’s showed they should have him back,
With an animation Oscar on their rack,
And (I’ll say it now on this good day)
Probably the best video game I have played.
Sony makes art; Disney makes cash,
And going either way could make things trash.
Because it’s about what to do when who owns what
And are we sure this is what we want?

I’m going to speak my mind, of course.
Art is dead; the Mouse has the corpse.
It’s not about making products of quality
“It’s about making money.”
Let’s get flashy, ignore the faulty.
“It’s about making money.”
They don’t care about the message conveyed.
“It’s about making money.”
Don’t ask what they’re doing to Stan Lee’s grave.
“It’s about making money.”
All this bickering hurts my brain,
I feel they should’ve stopped at Endgame.
You ask me, Sony should take him back.
Then again, I didn’t think Amazing Spider-Man was too bad…
                                                                                                   …..(so maybe I’m not one to talk…?)
Disney’s so strong they orchestrate their losses.
They’re strong enough to pay their IP costs.
Plus, they’ve got plenty of good characters to save the day!
Like Captain Mar–no…wait…
But it’s about what to do when who owns what
And nobody will get what they want.

 

Really, that’s how I’m seeing this whole debacle. It’s an issue of artistic integrity versus money. And money says way too much these days.

And what do I want?

I just want another good Spider-Man movie at this point.

And some gummy worms. I think I have a bag around here somewhere…

 

Let’s Connect!

@Isaac_Trenti

@CorrelationBlog

And in the comments below!

Revisiting Captain Marvel

So. Captain Marvel is out on Blu-Ray now.

[gaze narrows] You may recall my past words about the movie. And I keep coming back to that post. I have tweaked it slightly, mostly for grammar and wording.

But there has been that nagging feeling in the back of my head asking, “Was I too harsh?”

I mean, I don’t think so. If anything, I was holding back a lot of extra gripes I had with it, both due to length and inability to find rhymes.

I mentioned in my spoken-word that I had a different review planned until Marvel loaded a gun and gave it to the She-Woman Man Hater’s Club to finally kill the dinosaurs with an “I have nothing to prove to you” caliber bullet.

Let’s see if I can dredge up the memory of that review.

 

Captain Marvel: A Review in Prose

Finally! Women have their…second…third…fourth superheroine?

Wait. Let me start over.

Finally! Women have their first Marvel superheroine! She’s strong and powerful in her own right, and better than her immediate male counterparts, who after being held back finally gets to come into her own. But enough about Wasp. I’m here for Captain Marvel.

And I didn’t like it. Of course, it can be brushed off as, “I’m a guy; it wasn’t made for you.” I mean, duh. I feel like I’m the only person who knows what a “target audience” is. And sure, I’m not in it, but that does not detract my ability to recognize quality film-making or writing. Should I cite my opinions on My Little Pony Cinderella?

And…I feel like Captain Marvel is trying to be something that it really is not.

The biggest selling point of the movie–behind the protagonist being a woman, which the film pauses every five minutes to remind us–is that it is told in a non-linear form.

I’m trying to find the best way to put this, and I come to this point: Captain Marvel is a non-linear superhero origin movie in the same way that spaghetti is non-linear pizza. Sure, there’s still bread, tomato sauce, meat, and cheese, but the meat is blander and there’s hardly any cheese.

The cheese in this metaphor is character development, by the way. And the meat is the story arc as a whole.

Carol is probably the worst offender here. I think of superhero origins like Superman who lost his family when his planet blew up, or Iron Man who got hit by his own bomb and now has to wear a power source of his own design on his chest. The origin of a hero involves loss.

Carol’s loss is, “I went too fast around a corner while go-karting because that boy told me to slow down.”

I mean, she did lose her memory, so maybe that’s–nope. Never addressed, and only really used as a plot device.

Really, that’s the only character trait I can get from Carol: she’s reckless. She needs her superpowers, otherwise she’d be dead before Act I…III…

Okay. So maybe that’ll be her character arc: learning that taking drastic risks has consequences?

Nope. All her friends survive, all her goals are accomplished flawlessly.

[groans]

You know, the longer I think about it, I see the problem that I have with Carol. She’s the opposite of Thor. Hear me out: Thor uses his powers in defiance and gets stripped of them to learn humility. Carol uses her powers in defiance and gets…applauded for it.

She is an uncaring, unsympathetic being of immense colossal power who isn’t really on your side, she just happens to agree with you on this one point. She is simultaneously the unstoppable force and the immovable object. She’s almost…almost like something out of Lovecraft.

[groans so hard the room starts to go dark.]

Speaking of her friends…they exist.

I’ll hold back my thoughts on Nick Fury getting his whole character stripped away reducing him to something much less…Nick Fury, and focus on one specific side character: Monica Rambeau.

Now, why am I focusing on the little girl whose main plot significance is to pick Carol’s outfit color? Simple, because that’s how they decided to adapt the actual first female Captain Marvel.

Yeah, fun fact. Mar’vel, in the comics, stepped down/died (I can’t remember) and his spot on the team was taken by Monica Rambeau, who adopted the name Captain Marvel and even led the Avengers briefly. Of course–probably because of recent Captain Marvel branding in the comics and cartoons–I hadn’t heard about her until recently.

I don’t know what to make of this. For a movie that wants to break a lot of boundaries and try new things, it really pulled back here.

But what about the villains? The Skrulls! Finally! Marvel’s shape-shifting villains! Maybe this will make for some really mind-bending battle scenes where you don’t know who’s who and–

Nope. Just one scene at the beginning. And the final fight is a one-sided CGI battle. And not even a good one. I forgot about it before I left the theater.

[groans]

In summary, Captain Marvel just feels like it had a lot of potential that it failed to properly cash in on. It wanted to run a marathon, but intentionally tied its shoes together at the starting line.

5/10 ~ I guess you still have some proving to do.

Let’s Connect!

@Isaac_Trenti

@CorrelationBlog

And in the comments below!

 

Wow. I really didn’t like that movie. This calls for more than a review…

Wait. Let me start over.

 

I really don’t want to write a review on Captain Marvel.

No, really. I haven’t seen a movie preceded by this much hatred since the 2016 Ghostbusters. But even though it is the elephant in the room to beat all other elephants in all other rooms, I also don’t want to get anywhere near it.

I mean, can you blame me? I’m a straight, white, heterosexual, Protestant male journalist. I am everything Brie Larson does not want and Clark Gregg misunderstands. I am the one scolded for objectifying and yet also the objectified. And I feel legally required not to have opinions about Captain Marvel unless I’m showering it with praise, and doubly required to enjoy a movie that tells me that I have been holding women back.

Do you see the pickle I’m in?

But duty calls, I guess. I have nothing else to write about, so…here’s a review. And by “review”, I mean “spoken word, because that’s how the thoughts formed in my head.”

[“Poet Scorned,” it’s all yours.]

 

 

 

Endgame and Expectations

“The Ancient One is supposed to be an Oriental guy.”
“Scarlet Witch is supposed to be way more powerful.”
“Aunt May is supposed to be old.”
“The Mandarin is supposed to be cool.”
“Bucky was supposed to be a kid.”
“Captain Marvel is supposed to be different.”
Marvel fans complain about these sorts of things, and I agree with some of them. But in Avengers: Endgame, a smart lady said, “We all fail at who we’re supposed to be. The mark of a hero is how we handle being who we are.”

Unpopular opinion: Endgame was very disappointing. There’s no way it could have lived up to all the hype, but even adjusting my expectations, it was ultimately meh. There were parts I liked, though. For example, the moral.
A few characters didn’t live out the role they were supposed to be in the movie. I can’t tell you who, because Thanos Still Demands Your Silence. But I can talk about why the moral is important.

God made people to be in community with him. As we’re created in His image, we’re supposed to be good, loving, faithful, etc. But we fail at that. A lot. We miss the mark, and even if God isn’t mad, He’s disappointed. We need the salvation and forgiveness of Jesus to repair the relationship.
But even when we’re forgiven, we still fail at who we’re supposed to be. The wonderful thing is God loved us with his pure and powerful love before we were born, before we failed, and before we were forgiven, and he still loves us through all our failures.
God loves who we are as well as who we’re supposed to be. And there’s still a chance we can become who we’re supposed to be. All our gifts and talents and dreams are glimpses of that ideal person God created inside us. As we try to bring that person to the surface, we can be just as heroic as the Avengers.

But not the version of them we got in Endgame. Again, those are the ones who’ve already failed, and they’re pretty meh.
The more I think about Endgame, the lower it gets on my MCU ranking list (which I’m still working on). Here’s hoping I don’t get flamed for daring to dislike it.

Westeros, Asgard, and Wakanda

One of my classmates in City First Leadership College recently started watching Game of Thrones. She acknowledged that it’s one of the most secular shows on TV, but she also said she’s been learning a lot about how kingdoms work. Considering Christians and Christ-followers call ourselves citizens of God’s kingdom, it’s interesting how limited our understanding of kingdoms is or how tainted it is by the American mentality.
I haven’t seen Game of Thrones, so I can’t expand on that specific concept. But when Isaac posted his MCU rankings, it got me thinking about the concept from another perspective. So before I get to my own MCU rankings (that’s going to take a lot of thought), let’s talk about the kings of Asgard and Wakanda.

Asgard is a kingdom of god-like aliens. Thor is in line for the throne, but he’d rather be a warrior-hero than king. He must learn lessons about humility and selflessness before he’s worthy to rule, and then a better understanding of his leadership responsibilities helps him become a better hero. As soon as he reaches that point, his planet explodes. He no longer has a place to rule, but he still has people to lead.
Loki, meanwhile, wants to be king but doesn’t have a real right to rule. As Odin says, his birthright was to die, so any power he does have is already the grace of god. He’s too proud and selfish to be content with that, so he tries using subterfuge and other people’s magic rocks and armies to take power from others. When he fails, he falls lower than before.

Wakanda has had a strict non-interference policy of global affairs for a very long time. Killmonger disagrees with that, and because he didn’t grow up in Wakanda, he’s not part of the culture that follows the king without question. When he becomes king, he tries to use the country’s resources to “help” descendants of Africa around the world by attacking Caucasian people with extreme prejudice. The kingdom has no choice but to go along with it.
T’Challa also disagrees with his dad’s philosophy, but he wants to actually help people. It takes him confronting the truth of what his traditional predecessors have done and almost dying to get to a place where he, like Thor, can lead heroically and do better than those who came before him.

The lessons to take from these stories are especially applicable to me as a student of City First Leadership College. They also remind me of the book A Tale of Three Kings by Gene Edwards. Isn’t it cool how we can find morals applicable to following God in even the weirdest stories?

Let’s Connect!
Twitter: @CorrelationBlog and @noahspud

Isaac Ranks the MCU Movies

Well, with Endgame looming around the corner, I’ve been revisiting the reviews I’ve done for the Marvel Cinematic Universe movies. And I noticed that most of them either pre-date or don’t use my X/10 rating system. But I do have my opinions on the highest-budget TV series to date (because that’s basically what the MCU is at this point).

So let’s fix that, shall we?

(These are ranked lowest to highest, by the way. I also took the liberty of including links to the full reviews of the movies. At least the ones I’ve covered.)

 

4/10 Iron Man 2 ~ Hampered, I believe, by executive meddling and a strange sense of humor. Could’ve been better—especially since the original draft was supposed to feature Tony grappling with alcoholism, which could have been an interesting take—but also could have been a lot worse.

5/10 The Incredible Hulk ~ a good “Hulk” movie should be a good “Bruce Banner” movie. But nobody would go see a “Bruce Banner” movie, so here we are.

5/10 Captain Marvel ~ told ya.

5/10 Thor: The Dark World ~ The adventures of blandy mcblandson as he blands across the bland in his blandmobile…

6/10 Iron Man 3 ~ I mostly rank Phase 2 lower than Phase 1. Phase 2 just felt dark and sad for the sake of being dark and sad.

7/10 Captain America: The First Avenger ~ Felt the most like a comic book…in every sense of the phrase.

7/10 Iron Man ~ Not my favorite of the Phase 1 or “origin” movies, but it does a good job setting the stage for something much bigger.

7/10 Spider-Man: Homecoming ~ I’m trying not to be biased, but I like Spider-man.

7/10 Thor ~ Good visuals, top notch acting, with an important lesson about humility.

7/10 Black Panther ~ Nice to finally see Marvel’s…take on Lord of the Rings. (What? It had a really strong fantasy vibe.)

7/10 Avengers: Age of Ultron ~ Best Stan Lee cameo, but the worst case of “lets introduce things, and give them bland explanations now in order to explain them later!”

8/10 Ant-Man ~ A new, unique spin on the character and on how smaller heroes exist in this universe.

8/10 Captain America: The Winter Soldier ~ felt like it was built around a major, world-shattering plot twist that nobody acknowledged in the following movies.

8/10 Ant-Man and the Wasp ~ I don’t get why people didn’t like this one. “Ooh, the stakes are smaller!” “You call this a follow-up to Infinity War?” Uh…isn’t this entirely what Ant-Man was about?

8/10 Guardians of the Galaxy ~ Should I decide to do a post on Science-Fiction Writing and the “That Sounds Important” Rule, I’m citing this movie. It’s good, though.

8/10 Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol. 2 ~ the orange to the first Guardians’ apple. And what a tasty orange it is!

8/10 Thor: Ragnarok ~ if Guardians and Vol. 2 were an apple and an orange respectively, this one is a granadilla: you don’t expect it to be that great, but it ends up being the sweetest thing you’ve eaten.

 8/10 Doctor Strange ~ is it Iron Man with magic? Yes, of course. Does that make it better? Duh, obviously.

9/10 Captain America: Civil War ~ A good follow-up to Ultron, and probably the better Avengers movie as a result.

9/10 Avengers ~ The first one to have any kind of rewatch value…for me, at least.

 9/10 Avengers: Infinity War ~ have I mentioned that I don’t give out 10/10 ratings? This one came really darn close. Would have been closer if they fixed the “mid-scene costume changes.” (Doctor Strange and Wanda both get one, switching from civilian garb to their iconic outfits with a flick of their wrists. Magic or bad editing?)

Well, I think that’s all of them. I’m not sure if I’ll do a review on Endgame next week, but I will be seeing it this weekend. The sooner I’m immune to spoilers, the better.

Let’s Connect!

@Isaac_Trenti

@CorrelationBlog

And in the comments below!

P.S.: Small favor, but can I ask that you please keep the comments spoiler-free for Avengers: Endgame? I’ll do my best to moderate them, but I don’t quite know what is and isn’t visible in the comments section.

10 Fandom Characters Not Defined by Relationships

Oh hey, I’m back. Probably won’t be sticking around for long, but while I’m here…

Back in February, for Single Awareness Day, I wanted to make a list of fandom characters who are single and aren’t defined by a need for romantic relationships, potential role models for the chronically single like myself. This was not easy. Not only are relationship and romance important parts of life, but shipping is one of the core tenets of fandom for many people, so romance is a driving force in a lot of fandoms. But now the list is finally finished. Happy Belated Single Awareness Day!

 

1
Dean Winchester
On Supernatural, most of the heroes consider romance a luxury they can’t afford. Many characters on the show started hunting monsters when their loved ones, including their significant others, died – that’s the premise of Season 1. But Dean isn’t like that. Dean hunts because his dad raised him as a hunter.

Sure, he sleeps with a lot of girls, but he considers that one of the prizes for being the hero. Until the bad thing is dead, Dean’s all business, and girls are just people who need protecting.

Once, when the powers-that-be thought the show might be ending (nine seasons ago, oh how naive they were), Dean got a girlfriend and a shot at happily ever after, but that’s always been more of a lofty dream for the Winchesters, a reason to keep fighting, because maybe someday they can have all that.

But… there are all those one-night stands, and Dean watches a lot of porn, as if he’s making up for the lack of lady love in his life. So he’s not a good role model.

 

2
Batman
Yeah, Bruce Wayne has a reputation as a playboy, but it’s just for show. We all know how he really spends his nights – okay, he has spent some of them with Catwoman, and Damian Wayne did come from somewhere, but none of those relationships define him. He made a Bat-Family to replace the one he lost out of adopted sons and daughters, but no wives.

Unfortunately, Batman has a history of pushing away his “kids” just as much as his potential girlfriends as he focuses on his work. That’s not something to model, either.

 

3
Black Widow
Just ignore that stuff in Age of Ultron, okay? In the majority of her appearances, Natasha Romanoff is one of the best examples of a kick-butt, independent woman I can think of. More importantly, she has strong friendships with guys that aren’t romantic. She even kissed Steve Rogers for an uncomfortable amount of time and it didn’t get weird.

4
Sarah Manning
Orphan Black? Anyone? It’s a show about clones. The same actress plays like a dozen different girls, all with different lives. Some of them have important relationships – my favorite clone is way too defined by her lesbian lover – but the main girl is unattached and happy with that. It’s all about her daughter, her foster brother, and her surprise sisters and brothers (no matter how many of them there are).

 

5
Cisco Ramon
The technical genius from the Flash is one of the best things about the show. While he has awkwardly flirted with and dated a few girls over the years (and I think he might be dating someone right now, so he might not technically belong on this list), his relationship status is always tertiary to his friends and superhero team, making him superior to most of the characters in the Arrow-verse. 

 

6
Sherlock Holmes
The man, the myth, the legend. I love this guy. The only significant other he’s ever had was part of a ploy to learn about his criminal target. He’s gotten close to a professional romanticizer and come away with immense respect for her but no messy feelings. He’s married to his work, never looking for a relationship. The relationships that have drastically affected him have been purely platonic, no matter what the fangirls scream, and that makes this development even more important.

One of the only problems with Elementary, the American show, is making Sherlock Holmes a fling-loving hedonist. But even that version doesn’t let romance trump what’s important.

7
Captain Carol “Avenger” Danvers Vers Mar Vell
Compare the movie to Wonder Woman all you want, Diana lost me when she said, “I believe in love,” as if the only reason she saved Earth was because she had a crush on a dead human dude. Danvers spent most of the movie with Samuel L. Jackson, and neither of them flirted with each other at all.

8
Nick Fury
11 years of movies. No significant others. No flirting. Never any less awesome.

9 & 10
Ryan Sinclair and Yas
Donna Noble didn’t make the list because, after a year of not dating the Doctor, she went and got married. As of right now, Ryan and Yas are the only properly single companions in all of Modern Who, and together they hold the record for not dating or even flirting with anyone for one full season. Let’s see how long that lasts.

Who’s your favorite single character in fandoms? Let’s Connect!

Captain Marvel: a Review in Spoken Word

I really don’t want to write a review on Captain Marvel.

No, really. I haven’t seen a movie preceded by this much hatred since the 2016 Ghostbusters. But even though it is the elephant in the room to beat all other elephants in all other rooms, I also don’t want to get anywhere near it.

I mean, can you blame me? I’m a white, heterosexual, Protestant male journalist. I am everything Brie Larson does not want and Clark Gregg misunderstands. I am the one scolded for objectifying and yet also the objectified. And I feel legally required not to have opinions about Captain Marvel unless I’m showering it with praise, and doubly required to enjoy a movie that tells me that I have been holding women back.

Do you see the pickle I’m in?

But duty calls, I guess. I have nothing else to write about, so…here’s a review. And by “review”, I mean “spoken word, because that’s how the thoughts formed in my head.”

 

[SPOILER WARNING for Captain Marvel.]

 

“I have nothing to prove to you.”
You ever heard such a line
That would come along in a movie and break the spine
Of the camel trying to form an argument in a movie’s favor?
A line of the bridge-burning flavor?
I sure haven’t. That quote tells me,
That the producers have political views granting them immunity
To do lackluster production. And instead
Of making an argument that could fix all the heads
Of those who would try to divide our country by gender,
We get a one-liner for, “Woman, Man’s-Ender.”
Black Panther proposed a solution to problems, in good form:
Something I could discuss in my cold college dorm.
Captain Marvel, instead shuts down all the chatter,
Making the fans mad—though not like a hatter.
See, Marvel made this political, and that’s no fault of theirs.
It’s that they have no worries or cares,
Ignoring the agents, detectives, and dancers
To raise a question that they won’t even answer,
Because, “I have nothing to prove to you.”

 

I tried to like you, Carol Danvers, but nothing about you was really that great,
You’re recklessness without consequence, and it makes me irate.
Of good moral traits, you seem quite bereft.
When you meet catcalling with theft.
You see man’s warnings as signs of things you must do.
Tell me, would you drink detergent because a man told you not to?
There’s also nothing to bring you down to earth.
You’re flawless and immaculate, which gives you no worth,
When I compare you to the broken Avengers, or the distraught Defenders.
What is your weakness? Is it your gender?
No. You’re all strength with no heart, with ferocity in bulk.
(In the New Avengers lineup, you’ll probably replace the Hulk.)
You are woman, hear you roar; a feminist icon.
Telling women, “Punch guys,” and white men, “Hike on.”
You don’t help your cause by cutting others down.
What good is wearing a blood-soaked gold crown?
And I can’t be mad—no, I shouldn’t see red—
But imagine if Imperator Furiosa (Mad Max: Fury Road), Ripley (Aliens), Sarah Connor (Terminator), Athena (Borderlands), Lucy Pevensie (Narnia), Ofelia (Pan’s Labyrinth), Erza Scarlett (Fairy Tail), Sophie (Howl’s Moving Castle), Satsuke (My Neighbor Totoro), Princess Zelda (Breath of the Wild and Wind Waker, specifically), Claire Dearing (Jurassic World), Samus Aran (Metroid), Merida (Brave), Lilo (& Stitch), Alita (: Battle Angel), Scarlett Rhodes (Call of Duty: Black Ops IV), half the cast of Overwatch, Black Widow, and Pepper Potts all turned to their respective cameras and said,
“I have nothing to prove to you.”

 

And to Marvel, not Captain,
What the heck happened?
I know controversy sells like hotcakes these days,
Ask Gillette. But you didn’t need to stir up the pot anyways.
People see your movies because you’re flipping Marvel Studios!
Cranking out quality movies and TV shows.
If Avengers and Guardians and their collected reviews,
Say anything, people don’t watch your movies for your political views.
Almost all your films that came before are ranked above
Captain Marvel, for they were made with love.
But in the words of Apostle Paul, don’t get me wrong,
Without love, you are a clanging gong.
Making noise. Letting accusations fly
Because the box office profits rise.
TL;DR: You dig the tar pit
And blame the dinosaurs for walking towards it.
I rank your latest next to Thor: The Dark World,
Not even for a second because it stars a girl.
Captain Marvel was average, and this I can see,
But average is the worst your movies can be.
You are not immune because you are “woke,”
But Larson represented you when she spoke,
“I have nothing to prove to you.”

 

While I may not write this to raise a cow,
Tumblr’s probably got a price on my head by now.
After all it makes me a misogynist
For not giving praise to this film. Though it looks like my list
Of women in film is incomplete. So please let me,
Add one Diana of Themyscira, Daughter of Hyppolyta, of DC.
She showed that women too can be strong
And that men are not all wrong.
But rather, the human race is the one flawed,
As we truly are before our God.
Despite that statement, Wonder Woman gave
A thesis that humans still deserve to be saved.
Woman, man, young, old,
American, German, hot, cold,
Black, white, from all walks of life,
And that film had no controversy. Hmm. I wonder why.
But Wonder Woman has made less than Marvel’s latest offering—
Why should we gauge acceptance by where the coin in the coffer rings?
And, yes, both DC and Marvel made women without fault,
But only one of them took time to insult
Constructive criticism about their ad campaign
Without regard to how it would cause the fans pain,
And say, “I have nothing to prove to you.”

 

I think that’s everything I have to say
About the biggest movie in the world today.
But please, leave comments. This talk isn’t done.
After all, I don’t want a one-liner to end this conversation.
I give this movie a 5/10 ~

 

Let’s Connect:

@Isaac_Trenti

@CorrelationBlog

And in the comments below.

 

 

(In all honesty, I had a different review planned until the final confrontation between Captain Marvel and Jude Law’s character. However, cut out that scene, the flashbacks, and the catcaller scene, it’s still a 5/10. But it would have been a 5/10 that doesn’t make me feel insulted and—more importantly—doesn’t accuse me of things I didn’t do.)

This Week in Geek-dom: the Spider-Man trailer

Marvel is in quite a pickle. They want to market their upcoming movies, like Guardians of the Galaxy 3 and Spider-Man 7. But most of the Guardians and Spider-Man died at the end of Infinity War. (If you don’t know that by now, that’s on you. Sorry not sorry.) Consequently, the new Spider-Man trailer spoiled part of Avengers: Endgame; looks like Spider-Man and Nick Fury will be coming back from the dead.

Here’s another thing that might be a spoiler: Mysterio is a villain. He’s an actor who can’t use his uncanny special effects know-how to get a job, apparently, so he turns to crime, using robots and holograms to fool everyone except the guy with Spidey sense. But in the new trailer, he’s acting like a superhero.

My best guess is Mysterio is creating the Sand-Man, Hydro-Man, and Human Torch monsters, so he can pretend to fight them and become a hero, Syndrome-style (except Thanos is probably the one who killed the real superheroes).

This will create an interesting situation for Peter Parker because he’s not over-eager to be Spider-Man in the trailer, so he might be okay with Mysterio taking over for him. Maybe it’s because right after achieving his dream of becoming an Avenger, he failed and then went poof. Or maybe it’s just a teenage identity crisis.

Either way, Fury’s going to have to remind him of that thing Jessica Jones once said. With great power comes an expectation to get up and save the dang world. Put another way: “Do not withhold from those to whom it is due when it is within your power to act” – Proverbs 3:27.